


Better Together

by prettysky



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/F, Fix-It, Fluff, a cocktail of them both. if you will, it's actually the perfect combination of fluff and angst, reunion au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:20:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23271622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettysky/pseuds/prettysky
Summary: alex and maggie find themselves in lockdown together, months after breaking up.could this be a chance for them to start over?
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer
Comments: 38
Kudos: 160
Collections: Secret Sanvers Lockdown Writing Challenge





	Better Together

**Author's Note:**

> dani challenged me to write a lockdown fic so i JUMPED RIGHT TO IT as if i don't have 7 wips to work on lmao anyway here it is
> 
> so basically i watched episode 6x17 of House M.D, "lockdown" and wrote whatever i thought that could fit in for sanvers. so like, maybe two or three sentences here aren't mine. 
> 
> i wrote this in four days and edited it in five hours. hope i'm not too sleep-deprived to make this work. either way, all mistakes are mine and i hope i didn't make too many of them
> 
> huge thanks to liz who put on her editor hat for me and looked fabulous while doing it xx
> 
> have fun reading!

"It’s three o'clock."

Alex looked up at her sister. Kara was dressed in her Supergirl outfit, a judging look in her eyes.

"And?"

"Afternoon. Three in the afternoon, Alex."

Alex looked back at her microscope without saying a word.

Kara signed. "You really aren’t going to get out of here, huh?"

"Not until I find a lead."

"You have to stop, it's not-"

"Kara." Alex said in a rather calm voice. "This is not the time."

"You've been here for-"

"Fourteen hours, I know. You don't have to tell me."

Kara looked around, looking for the empty lab room to back her, to scold Alex as well.

"What did you eat?"

"I'm eating okay, Kara, don't worry about me. Brainy brings me packaged food."

Kara let out another sigh, sitting down on a chair beside Alex. Neither of them spoke, and the only sound in the room was the whisper of a pencil and a sheet of paper that Alex used to write her findings from the microscope. They were looking for a clue that would lead them to a rare species of aliens they had never seen on earth before, which was likely to attack soon. The warning had come two days ago, and in the meantime they had found nothing.

"Did you find anything?"

Kara grabbed a strange-looking device that was on the table, her fingers playing with it. "I scanned the whole city three times with J’onn and Nia. We found nothing."

It was Alex's turn to sigh, and she backed away from her microscope. She exchanged a look with Kara, who looked worried again, placing the device back on the table.

"Please take a break."

"Kara-"

"If you didn't find anything, and we didn't find anything either, it's probably a false alarm." Kara shook her head. "You need the rest."

Alex closed her eyes for a few moments, frustrated, feeling her head drop quickly. She opened her eyes, straightened up.

"Okay, you're right. I'll go take a nap in my office."

"Not exactly what I was aiming for, but good enough."

Alex stood up, stripping off her lab coat. In recent times, since she had been appointed director, and even before that, she had come to prefer focusing on laboratory work, investigating various materials and lab duties. Of course, as the director of the DEO, she could do as she pleased, but either way, something in the fieldwork didn't feel as natural to her as it did when she was an agent. She had Kara, Nia, and sometimes J’onn too, three superheroes at her disposal, agents like Brainy, and well-trained DEO teams, whom she made sure to train herself. The field was protected, and she trusted many people to do their jobs faithfully.

But it was more than that. She didn't want to go out into the field anymore. Something about working outside didn't feel as exciting to her as before. Even a little scary. A lot of emotions accompanied this new job - she was a little worried about the responsibility, happy for the opportunity to do something bigger, and maybe expectant of less pressure, a better salary, to prepare herself for future plans.

A baby, maybe. That will come when it will come. When she decides she's taking that step.

But regardless of all the benefits, the fieldwork just didn't give her as much satisfaction as it used to. Something deeper told her it was more than that, but in fact, she noticed that there weren't as many things as exciting to her as they used to be.

She wanted to adopt a baby, of course. She contacted the agency, did some interviews, but things progressed at a slow pace, and as she was told, it would probably take over a few years for her to adopt. If she didn’t take drastic steps, it didn’t seem like she would be having a baby any time soon.

"You have to fight for it," Kara had told her. She knew that, of course. After all, that's why she broke up with Maggie.

Every thought of the baby led to another thought of Maggie. It was like a condition - break up with Maggie, go find a baby. And if you don't have a baby, why did you break up with Maggie?

Alcohol found itself helpful and even essential in these cases. She didn't want to think about what she needed to do to fix her own life. Each step brought her closer to a different point in the recovery, and she found herself, surprisingly and in a rare position in her life, standing in place with no ability- or perhaps, will- to move forward. Work was a refuge, a stable stone, something she could hold onto while not paying attention to her personal and falling apart life. Without Maggie, she couldn't find herself, couldn't stabilize. And the baby? She was afraid to move in its direction. You can’t break up with a baby once it’s yours.  
Kara caught her arm while passing her on the way out. "Hey," she murmured, holding her tight. Kara may have acted like a child sometimes, but she knew Alex well. She knew how stubborn Alex could be. Hell, Alex taught her how to be stubborn herself. But she knew that no matter how much she pushed her, Alex's life lay in her own hands. She could only support her.

Alex leaned on Kara's shoulder, resting her head and almost falling asleep again. Kara shook her, gently snickering.

"Okay, Director Danvers. You're going to your office now."

Kara accompanied her down the hall to her office, supporting her arm slightly as an agent approached them.

"Director? Someone is here to see you."

Alex and Kara both looked up in the direction the agent was pointing. Alex's heart stopped at the sight of the woman standing behind her, recognizing a little worried, familiar smile, on her lips.

"Maggie," Kara said, surprised. Alex stared at her wide-eyed, unable to utter a word.

"Hey, Alex." Maggie moved toward them slowly, almost cautiously, as if approaching a sleeping animal. The smile on her face remained frozen, and she swallowed, clearly very tense. "You look-"

"How did you get in here?" Alex said the first thing she could think of. Maggie raised an eyebrow, her tense smile beginning to fade.

"The guard outside recognized me. I don't think he... uh, knew." She coughed once, to cover the embarrassment. "I guess you didn't think to update him."

Alex was silent, Kara's hand still supporting her body, which until a moment ago was limp and lethargic. Now, she didn't need her, all her senses alert and sharp. She really didn't bother to update the guards, or in fact, any of the DEO workers, except the people close to her. She didn't see it as a necessity. She figured that rumors were spreading fast enough on their own.

Maggie looked around, still embarrassed, as Kara stepped forward, clearing her throat.

"Nice to see you again," she reached forward, shaking Maggie's hand. The burning contrast between the lovely Kara, who would accept nothing but a hug from her future sister-in-law, and the chill Kara, who shakes hands with fake warmth, hurt Alex's eyes. If it bothered Maggie, she didn't show it, and just shook Kara's hand with a nod, turning to look at Alex.

"I'm sorry if I’m interrupting-"

"You're not."

Maggie nodded. "Can we talk, then?"

Alex exchanged glances with Kara, who nodded at her as if saying, “Give me a sign and I’ll be here” before taking off. Alex stepped forward, opening the door to her office. "Come in," she said without looking back. "Here we’ll have privacy."

They walked in, Maggie examining the room. Alex had gotten it from J’onn and changed almost nothing - the simple, formal design suited her. An office desk, a file cabinet, and two leather couches, though they were hardly used for hospitality and mostly for Alex's naps, when she worked nights. She even had private toilets on the side of the room. She moved now to sit on one of the couches, signaling Maggie to sit on the other side.

Maggie sat down, her posture frozen, steady. Alex tried not to fall asleep while she sat on the other side, waiting for Maggie to talk.

"So... is this your office?"

"Yes."

Maggie nodded blankly. "Eliza told me you got promoted. Congratulations."

Alex frowned. "You talk to my mom?"

"She called me on Thanksgiving. To check out on me. And a few more times later." Maggie looked through the window, blue skies with a few fragile cirrus clouds. "Actually we haven't talked in a while."

Alex was silent, wondering if she should feel guilty for not talking to her ex to check how she was doing, and for her mother doing so instead.

She didn't call you to see if you were doing fine. Things seemed to be balancing themselves, more or less. She wondered if she should ask her now how she was doing, why she came here, or maybe none of those questions were appropriate in this situation.

Alex has never been in this situation before. She rubbed her eyes to try to focus, to behave appropriately.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, I just-" An involuntary yawn came out of her mouth. "I'm sorry-"

"It’s alright. Stretching long nights?"

"You could say." Alex directly at her, perhaps for the first time since she saw her. "I'm sorry if it’s too forward, but, uh, what are you doing here?"

Maggie shook her head, as if remembering there was a reason for her visit just now. She reached for a paper folder from her bag, pulling documents out. "Some things I need you to sign. It's about the apartment and the… prenuptial agreement. We should have canceled them months ago but forgot to, and I remembered just now."

"You could have sent them to me."

Maggie raised an eyebrow, tilting her head, and Alex immediately felt guilt flooding her.

"Sorry, it's just that... you moved, didn’t you? To Gotham? Or... I'm not exactly sure. You said you were going to travel-"

"I traveled. Three months ago. I came back just recently, and started arranging my things. I found this among the chores we didn't do," she picked up the papers, placing them on the coffee table. "I still live in National City."

Alex looked at the white papers. They were full of bureaucratic words she never particularly liked. Maggie has always been responsible for their documents. She booked the flights and the hotels and called all the offices, the banks, the administrators. Everything that needed to be done to organize their lives together. Alex still remembered how she looked at her when she signed documents, a slight smile at the edge of her lips, as if knowing that she was signing a lifetime of happiness, with her favorite person in the world.

"I hoped you could sign these. If it’ll take you a while, I can leave them here." Maggie tapped them with gentle fingers. "I can come back for them. Or just send them to me."

"No, no," Alex rushed up, taking a pen from the table. "I can do it now."

She took the papers, identified the lines where her signature was required. She recognized Maggie's signature already on the page, curled writing, the Y exceeding the black line boundaries from below. Alex breathed deeply, signing her name.

"Here." She handed the papers to Maggie, who was already standing. Alex fought the urge to invite her to sit down for a moment. She wanted them to talk, as friends, to drink something, to have… this. She wanted to know about Maggie’s life, what she was missing, what was going on with her. They may have broken up, but Maggie was still one of the most amazing people she had ever met. With all the pain, it was a shame she would miss the chance to stay in touch with her, to be in her life.

"Thank you." Maggie put the papers back in her bag, avoiding looking at her, and Alex realized that there was no way she could invite her to be a part of her life without it burning them both. She nodded slowly, their eyes meeting again for a few moments, as if by mistake.

"I guess that's it."

"Yes."

There was a silence as they both tried to figure out the next step, Alex rubbing her eyes again. Maggie clenched her jaw, nodding. She turned toward the exit.

"I'll see myself out. Thanks, Alex."

"Maggie-"

Maggie paused, her hand on the handle. Alex sighed.

"Thank you for coming. It was good to see you."

Maggie paused for a moment, then finally nodded. "You too."

Another moment passed, and suddenly there was a deafening alarm, red lights flashing all over. Maggie leaped back, startled.

"What is this?"

"Breach. Or worse." Alex quickly went to the drawer at her desk, switching on her earpiece. "Brainy?"

"Yes, Director Danvers. There seems to be some sort of a break in the lower cells. Someone is trying to rescue a prisoner with heavy security, or more than one."

"Damn it. That's what we had to prepare for. Send a team down there. I'm on my way." Alex walked quickly towards the door.

"Stay here,” she told Maggie as she walked past her. "This is the safest room in the building. It's programmed to be protected from any kind of harm."

"Wait a minute, Alex-"

Alex turned the door handle, but nothing happened. She tried again, harder, almost breaking it.

"Brainy, why can't I open my office door?"

"I'm afraid an automatic lockdown mode has been activated. It's a situation where-"

"I know what automatic lockdown mode is, Dox. I need you to turn it off so I can get out of my office."

"I apologize, Director, but I'm afraid it requires a complicated manual bypass. It may take hours."

Alex widened her eyes. "Hours? What about some kind of failsafe mechanism? Or a systematic bypass? You're a 30th-century extraterrestrial and 11th level intellectual, I'm sure you have the skills to break through this."

She heard Brainy sigh. "I am indeed capable, but the 30th-century technology we brought here has been introduced to the DEO Command and Security System, which makes it the most sophisticated in the world. Once there’s a breach in secure cells, the entire facility enters a level five automatic lockdown, causing all rooms, ports, entrances and transitions inside the facility lock-in hermetically. Even I am not sure I can break it in a few hours."

"What are you trying to say?" Alex spread her hand on the electric, sealed door, her voice trembling slightly.

"I apologize, Director. All the sections and rooms in the facility are automatically sealed and locked for the next thirty hours, unless I can manually unplug it." He paused for a few moments and she imagined him in the central control room, looking at the control table with concentrated eyes. "Our agents are trained and ready for this moment," she heard him say in an attempt to encourage her. "Do not worry."

Alex closed her eyes. Thirty hours in a small room with her ex-fiance. This ought to be good.

She turned around, looking at Maggie, who still looked a little frightened. The look of panic turned to confusion, and Alex shook her head.

"I'm sorry, Maggie."

*

The regular white light in the room was replaced with dim red lighting to take full advantage of energy to maintain security. Alex finished talking to Kara through the comms, sitting down on the couch with a sigh.

"What did she say?" Maggie was sitting on the other, smaller couch, moving her phone from one hand to another frantically, indicating high pressure. Alex rubbed her eyes for the umpteenth time, craving a few hours of sleep.

"It's the most secure room in the building. When J’onn was the director, he was suspicious of Kryptonians, so there’s a defense mechanism from Kryptonians in the security system of this specific room. Which means Kara couldn't extricate us. J’onn left for Mars an hour ago, and we have no way to get in touch with him. Nia has no powers that can help us. All of this basically means that if Brainy fails to get around the system beforehand, we're stuck here for the next..." She sighed, guilty. “Twenty-nine hours."

Maggie leaned back in silence, a blank expression on her face. Alex leaned in apologetically.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean-"

"It's okay, Danvers," Maggie shook her head, a bitter smile on her face. "I haven't set anything for today. And you have nothing to be sorry for, it's not your fault. We'll just wait until it's over."

The distant “Danvers” suddenly burned into Alex's ears and she longed to turn back, shut down and remain silent for the rest of their time here together. Maggie felt light-years away from her, locked behind walls and fences, unreachable. She laid down slowly across the couch, placing an arm over her eyes. There’s nothing else she can do, she might as well get some sleep.

"Are you going to sleep?"

Alex didn't raise her arm, too heavy on her eyes.

"Is that a problem?"

"No, of course not. You're tired, you better rest."

Alex hummed something in response, the dim light causing her to fall asleep within seconds. She imagined Maggie on the second couch, her legs bent to her chest, looking again at the window that was now sealed, the sunlight disappearing from her eyes.

When she woke up, Maggie was lying on the smaller couch, which matched almost exactly to her size. Her eyes were open, looking at the ceiling. Alex sat up slowly, blinking, and Maggie turned her head.

"How did you sleep?" Maggie's voice was quiet, calm. She seemed to have occupied herself while Alex slept.

Alex was silent. Her whole body ached, and she twisted her neck, trying to release it. "Alright," she said finally. "How long have I been sleeping?"

"You slept for about five hours. Kara was out here a while ago, checking to see if we were okay."

"What did you tell her?"

Maggie looked back at the ceiling. "That if she can get some tequila in here, that would be amazing."

Alex gave a short laugh, that died almost immediately. They remained silent for long minutes, each on a separate couch. With Maggie's presence in the room, and the knowledge that they still had a lot of time to spend together, Alex's thoughts went wild, her stomach heavy as a sack of cement.

"Do you think that we-" Maggie's voice wasn’t more than a whisper. She paused for a moment. "I mean… should we talk?"

Alex sighed. It's one thing to think about it, and another to follow through with it. "What do you want to talk about?"

Maggie looked at her, and again at the ceiling. "Look, if you don't want to talk about it-"

"I just don't think there's anything more to talk about." Coward, said a voice in her ears.

Maggie was silent. "I made a mistake coming here."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Maggie straightened up. "I don't know, I thought we would have something to talk about. After all these months apart, it feels like there are new things we've discovered that we can share with each other, see if-"

"Do you have something you want to share?"

Maggie blew out an irritated sigh. "I don't know. Maybe. I thought we'd have a conversation."

A tremor went through Alex, and she sat up straight. She knew Maggie was right. She knew they needed to talk, she knew that in the last few months, there was nothing she could do to find stability again, something she had only managed to find in Maggie's touch, in her words. But another step now towards Maggie means a step away from a baby, which she still wasn’t sure if she was ready to give up on. She stood on the edge of a cliff, holding too many ropes.

Like a stubborn mule, she shook her head. "There's nothing to talk about."

Coward, said the voice in her ears again.

She heard Maggie move uncomfortably, swallowing, noticing the frown on her forehead, her clenched jaw.

"Alright. We don't have to talk. I'm sorry."

Alex got up and walked over to the bathroom, refreshing. She worked with sharp, concentrated movements, sitting at her desk, setting to do the office work she needed to do. She tried to distract herself from the thunderous silence that lay in the room, ignoring Maggie's legs that were swinging, almost angrily, from the couch of the sofa she was lying on.

You owe her nothing. You've talked about it already, there's no point in continuing to talk about it, and after all these months. You've already summed it all up. Whatever you think, talking about it will only cause more pain. Alex typed nervously, when the screen suddenly went black.

"Brainy," she pushed her earpiece. "Why did my computer stop working?"

"I apologize, Director. I took down all the servers to give as much power as possible to my attempts to break the lock. The prisoners were caught and put back in their cells, but there is nothing to promise they won’t try again."

"Doesn’t the lock automatically open as soon as the threat is removed?" Alex was confused.

"In case of a level-five lockdown, the lock is automatically removed from most areas of the facility, but not the director’s office, I’m afraid. Unless I break into the system sooner, there are twenty-four hours until it opens."

Alex groaned, hitting on the table. Brainy was silent.

"I assure you that we are doing our best-"

"Keep trying." She took out the earpiece, starting to walk around the room nervously. Maggie was still silent, looking at her.

"I know this behavior."

Alex clenched her fists, stopping herself from yelling at Maggie. "With all due respect, Maggie, I don't need-"

"I'm just not sure why you're so upset." Maggie let out a bitter snicker. "Is it because you're stuck with me here? Am I making you uncomfortable? Would you rather-

"This has nothing to do with you." Alex interrupted her, stern, knowing full well that this has everything to do with Maggie, and that Maggie knows it too. Maggie raised an eyebrow in disbelief, shaking her head.

Alex sat down on the long couch, breathing deeply. She buried her face in her hands, hearing Maggie's hoarse voice.

"You know, I spent months wondering how this happened. How I let it happen." She heard her move, rising to sit. "It wasn’t miscommunication. We solved it. We were the most candid. We knew exactly what the problems were."

Alex didn't dare look up to meet Maggie's eyes as she spoke. Her voice, covered in disappointment, in grief, burned enough.

"And the problem was that you wanted something else more than me."

"I don't understand why would you bring this up again-"

"Because I still can't believe it happened to me. To us. You were the love of my life, Alex. You-" She choked for a moment, stopping. "And in the moment of truth, you chose something else over me. Do you have any idea how that made me feel?”

Alex's eyes burned, and she tried to wipe them without Maggie noticing.

"That's not true, Maggie-"

"But that's exactly true. You had a life with me, and you had a life as a mom, and you knew you couldn't have both. That was the whole problem." Alex heard her rise up from the couch. "It's not that I allowed it to happen. And neither did you. It’s not that we gave up on ourselves. But the fact is that we found out it wouldn't work that way, and we didn't want to continue to argue for the rest of our lives, no matter what we would choose, who sacrificed more for the other."

Alex was still looking down, trying to find words. She knew Maggie was right, of course. She knew that the break up was illogical, that one moment all she wanted was to live with Maggie for the rest of her life, and the next moment she watched her pack a suitcase, kiss her goodbye for the last time, the weight of the missing ring so heavy on her finger. She knew they had to take this step so they wouldn’t suffer in their shared future.

She looked up. Maggie was standing a few feet away, her hands in her pockets, her eyes desperate, sad.

She didn’t know if her current condition was “suffering,” but she wondered if this was what she felt when she wasn’t with Maggie for this long. She wondered if “suffering” was what she was feeling anyway. And she wondered if Maggie had the solution.

"We couldn't make it work," she murmured, shaking her head. Her words seem to convince her as she said them out loud. "We wanted different things, and..."

"Alex." Maggie's voice was cutting. She walked over to her, sitting close. For the first time in many months, Alex was able to smell her perfume. It was something new, unfamiliar, and still so full of her presence.

"After all these months apart, have you taken even one step in the direction of having a kid?"

Intense pain scorched Alex's stomach. She had, of course she had. But... after all, she didn’t seem to be doing enough. Maybe she didn’t want it enough. She shook her still slumped head.

"I did. It's just that... these things take time."

Maggie exhaled. "Look, I'll be honest with you." She was silent for a few seconds, probably picking her words. Alex knew how important it was for her to say the right words. She knew her, knew how she thought, what she wanted. This person, who was now sitting next to her, she knew her better than anybody else. Why is there something in this world that was more important than her?

"I went through a few difficult months. It wasn’t easy for me to... find... ground." She said the last word with such disappointment, as if there was nothing in her life worthy of that description. Suggesting, even, that the break up had dropped the ground beneath her feet. "Actually, what I'm trying to say is that if you tell me now that you want to continue your life like this, I'll go to the corner and won’t say a word to you for the next twenty-four hours. But, Alex..." She reached out a tentative hand, placing it on Alex's knee.

"If you have any part in you that still wonders what could happen with us, I want us to have this conversation."

Alex was silent. Maggie's weight on her knee was unbearably heavy.

"I'm so scared,” she whispered, stifling a sob.

"Of what?"

Words ran around in her head, tangling among themselves, and she tried to sort them out. She opened her mouth and closed it again, before finally finding her voice.

"I'm scared to take too big a step. I'm scared to go out there again, scared to meet... someone else. Start over." She dared to look up for a moment, meeting Maggie's eyes, which suddenly darkened.

"I'm scared to get to the point where I have a baby." It felt like a one-time confession, and she picked words again. "I want to be a mom, but if it feels too much at some point... I know I can't just get rid of the baby. Once it's mine, it stays mine. And that's not something I thought about until I started taking steps."

Maggie's mouth twisted in thought, and she remained silent.

"The new job scares you too?"

"Actually, that's the only thing that keeps me grounded," Alex let out a dry laugh. "The only part in my life where I feel in my place, where I feel at home." She was silent for a moment. "Maybe that's why I spend so much time here instead of in my apartment."

Maggie hummed, leaning back. Alex looked at her, her eyes still moist, and an involuntary smile came over her face.

"What?"

Alex shook her head. "I just didn't think I'd ever talk to you again. Not about this."

Maggie's smile was small but it still managed to warm Alex's heart. "I guess you should thank Brainy for your fancy security system."

In the reddish emergency light, Alex could hardly see Maggie's figure clearly. A dark shadow, and her eyes, a spark of light in them. Alex thought of a bubbly, light chocolate cake, a warm neck skin, freckles that stood out in the early morning. She was lost in thought, and suddenly she found herself pressed against Maggie, her lips burning, craving, and her hands swiftly sliding through Maggie’s hair. She felt alive, as after years without water or food, she found her rest and peace.

Maggie groaned as she was pushed back, groping for Alex's waist. For a few seconds they remained like this, lips pressing against lips and tongues blending, and heavy breathing enveloped the space between them. Alex was gentle, slow, almost too slow, as if aware of her actions, but not of the future consequences. Right now they are here, kissing, over and over, for the first time in months, with no reason for it.

A muffled moan broke the silence, and Maggie broke away, her hands still clasped to Alex’s waist, her breathing rough. Alex was afraid to open her eyes, the moment after came too fast.

"Alex, I..." Maggie tried to raise her head, catching Alex's gaze, which continued to slip away. "I think we need-"

"No, let's not talk." Alex shook her head. "You don't have to talk."

Maggie bit her lips. "I'm not sure we can let this continue without talking."

Alex leaned forward again, trying to catch Maggie's lips again, body heat and movements she knew too well. Maggie didn't resist, and Alex pushed a little, her hands still in Maggie's soft hair, her tongue slow, sketching poems inside her mouth. Maggie's hands clawed their way down Alex's thighs and she sighed again, a painfully familiar sound to her ears. Again, Maggie tried to break away, to breathe, hold Alex away from her, her eyebrows full of sorrow.

"Alex, please,” she whispered, and a tremble went down Alex's spine at the sound of her pleading voice. She leaned back, her head resting on the back of the couch, silent. Maggie's hands returned to her lap and she looked at Alex, waiting. Alex's fingers moved nervously for a few minutes before she found her voice again.

"It took me twenty-eight years to figure out who I am, Maggie." The red lights lit up the bookshelves in front of her, and she followed the gleaming streaks as she spoke. "I was completely lost, I didn't think there was another part of me I needed to find. Then you came," Alex clenched her fist. "You changed me, Maggie. You made me want to look for that part. Understand who I am completely, without everything I had to hide, without knowing."  
Maggie was silent, but when Alex lifted her head to look at her, her eyes gleamed, wet.

"And since we're not together, I'm just... looking to feel that feeling again," Alex murmured. "What I felt when I was with you. Secure. Real." She hesitated for a moment. "Loved."

"Did you try to feel it again?"

Alex bit her lip. "Deep down," she exhaled. "Deep down I know I can’t. Not without you."

Alex felt Maggie's hand groping for hers, and they held hands for a few quiet moments. The touch was comforting, Maggie's fingers were warm inside hers, yet Alex couldn't help but be afraid, even here, when Maggie kept her from falling.

"Can we stay here? Like this?" The words came out faint, hesitant, from Alex's mouth, but her grip tightened. "Just... like this. For a while."

"Of course," Maggie shifted slightly, folding her knees to her chest. "Whatever you need."

Alex's eyes were fixed on Maggie's and they sat there, hands down, until Alex felt sleep envelop her again.

*

Alex woke slowly, her left shoulder in pain. She hadn't opened her eyes yet, but her hand was still in Maggie's hand, not even sleep itself separating them. Maggie was still asleep, and Alex released her hand carefully, standing up quietly so as not to wake her.

"Agent Dox?" she whispered into the earpiece that was still on the table.

"Director Danvers."

"Is there any progress?"

Brainy cleared his throat. "I'm afraid not, Director."

Alex nodded. "You're doing a good job, Brainy." She looked at Maggie, who was still asleep, curling up. She felt an urge to cover her with a blanket, to protect her.

"Leave it for now. There’s still-" She glanced at her watch. "Eighteen hours left. Go to bed, try again tomorrow morning."

There was silence. "Alright, Director." He said finally.

Alex put the earpiece back on the table. She pulled a random book from one of the shelves and sat back on the couch beside Maggie. Out of sleep, Maggie put her head on Alex's shoulder. Alex froze for a moment, but immediately leaned into the touch, Maggie's scent closer than ever. She began to read to the reddish lights, thrown back in time when she could read on their couch with Maggie curled up next to her, feeling nothing but safety and happiness.

A deep suction sounded from Maggie's side and she opened her eyes, a little confused. Alex moved back, giving her space.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry-"

"Hey, that's okay," Alex picked up her book. "It’s already night time, I assumed you were tired. You can go back to sleep."

Maggie blinked, straightening up. She looked around, and finally looked up at Alex.

"How long do we have left?"

"A little less than seventeen hours."

"And Brainy?"

Alex shrugged. "I told him to continue in the morning. It's not... urgent."

Alex couldn't decipher Maggie's expression, but she saw her nodding. "Okay."

Alex put the book on the coffee table, turning her body over to Maggie. The tension softened a little, and now she felt the expectation in the air; who would continue the interrupted conversation, and in what direction would they go now.

"Do you sometimes think about... good things?" Maggie said after a few minutes. "Do you look back with affection? Or just anger or sadness?"

Alex frowned. "Of course I think about the good things. It makes me sad to think we're not together, but... the thought of what made us happy. You're still one of the best things that ever happened to me, Maggie. I won't deny it."

She heard Maggie take a deep breath, her hands clenching and opening.

"Remember the black lung?"

Maggie let out a short laugh, her fingers relaxing at once. She looked up at Alex, and in the dim light she could see the lines of laughter around her eyes.

"I didn't know how funny you were at the time."

"We stayed home late that morning."

"For a few hours, yes. I remember." Maggie moved slightly, perhaps unintentionally, in Alex’s direction. "And not just that morning."

The memory made Alex smile. Long mornings in bed with Maggie, touching, even innocent in its context, always made her heart sing. Since they broke up, she couldn’t remember feeling like that again.

"Before the wedding, before... what happened," Maggie swallowed, evading Alex's eyes. "We went to those... dance lessons, remember?"

"Oh my God." Alex covered her eyes with her hand. "I was terrible."

"I wouldn't say terrible-"

"No, no, I was really terrible. You were great, though."

Maggie was silent, smiling. She breathed deeply, shaking her head. "I think about those lessons a lot. Sometimes I think - it's weird - she'll never hold me like that again."

Alex's heart fell. She remembered the song they had danced to, how she had heard it on the radio one day, something that reminded her of everything she felt about Maggie, soft and enlightening, both of them in their own bubble, no one in the world but them. They danced to this song in the dance lessons, the strong accented instructor teaching them how to move and what to do. Alex found herself enjoying every moment, for the simple reason that her fiancé always stood beside her, at every stage, giving her a hand and guiding her quietly. They were together, and there was nothing that could make them feel less than perfect.

With a quick decision, she rose, searching for her phone. A few clicks later and smooth guitar sounds came out of it. She put it down carefully, as if it might break, and turned to look at Maggie. Her lips curved up slowly, looking at Alex with her eyebrow raised. Alex shrugged, reaching a hand forward.

In a moment, they stood close in the middle of the dark room, holding one another, a careful hope connecting them like a thread of gold. Alex felt Maggie's hands on her waist, trembling, her stomach overflowing with desire, with longing.

There is no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard

No song that I could sing, but I can try for your heart

Our dreams, and they are made out of real things

Like a shoebox of photographs

With sepia-toned loving

Love is the answer, at least for most of the questions in my heart

Like why are we here? And where do we go?

And how come it's so hard?

Alex's forehead was pressed against Maggie's, and she could feel her soft breaths on her face. They moved slowly, embracing, the song - a dim memory - outlined a way for them to walk. Maggie's touch around her was so comforting, she forgot everything, letting herself get carried away by the addictive feeling of Maggie holding her close.

It's always better when we're together…

"You know," Maggie murmured, her forehead coming down to rest on Alex's shoulder. "For a moment... Maybe even for a few moments, I told myself we did the right thing. I convinced myself that we would be better off." She lifted her head.

"Do you think so too?"

The song was over, an unresolved ending chord echoed in their ears. Alex looked into Maggie's eyes, close now more than ever.

"No. It wasn't the solution. It was... a way to solve it, but not the right solution."

Maggie was silent, but still hadn't let go of Alex.

"So what's the solution?"

Alex's hands rested on Maggie's shoulders, lifting up to cup her face. Something stung at the end of her lips and she leaned in, kissing her. The way that each socket fit a bump in their connection, in the way they kissed, stunned her, even now, so many months later. Maggie softened to her touch on her lips, pulling her closer.

"I can’t live without you," Alex murmured into Maggie's lips. Speaking the words gave them meaning, and she nodded, as if verifying them. It was so obvious, so bright and clear in front of her, that she wondered why it had taken her a painful breakup and months apart to come to this conclusion.

"You're a part of me. I can't give up on you."

"And what if the years pass and you blame me?"

Alex's thumbs stroked Maggie's cheeks. "I won’t. You're the only person I want to live with for the rest of my life. You, and no one else."

Maggie leaned forward, burying her face in Alex's neck. The room was quiet; only their breathing filled the silence.

"Who would have thought that all it would take was fifteen hours in a closed room together," Maggie laughed. "I would have put you in a lockdown long before if I had known."

Alex smirked, kissing Maggie's forehead.

*

"How long?"

Alex glanced at her watch. "Ten minutes."

"Wow," Maggie stretched, sighing. "Time flies."

They had found a blanket that Kara had brought there once, in an attempt to make Alex's naps more pleasant. It now covered them both, who were left without much clothing on. Maggie clung closer to Alex, her head resting on her chest.

"What will happen now?"

They did a lot in the time they had left. They talked a lot, kissed, cuddled. Made love. Alex always loved that phrase, to make love. Here she lies, with her love, and they make love. Creating it, as if out of thin air. When they were apart, there was no love. And now there was, between the two of them. They made it.

Alex shrugged. "I would love it if we... continue from the point we stopped. If that’s something you want."

Maggie was silent. "What if you regret it?" She lifted her head to look down into Alex's eyes. "What if you decide you made a mistake, that you prefer raising a child over me?"

Alex shook her head, but Maggie continued. "You made me feel like nothing else has ever made me feel. Leaving you was... the worst thing that ever happened to me." She sniffed. "I can't stand losing you again."

Alex tugged her close again, her hand holding the back of her neck. "I'll never leave you again. I couldn’t."

"Promise?” her voice was so small, so fragile, and Alex's heart almost crushed under the weight of the guilt.

"Promise,” she whispered, and at that moment they heard the deafening alarm sound, informing them the door could be opened again. They saw the white light suddenly flooding everything, a sea of new beginnings.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!
> 
> this is the [ song ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqxNYjDFJUk) they're dancing to. give it a listen, try not to cry 
> 
> i'm bilerleighs on twitter and bilerleigh on tumblr. come say hi!
> 
> also leave a comment! i would love to know your thoughts
> 
> hope you and your loved ones are safe. wishing for good news, and better days. we'll get through this.
> 
> thanks again xx


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